Seinfeld: The true finale
by bob parley
Summary: How I would have done the Seinfeld finale.
1. Prologue

Jerry Seinfeld, George Costanza, Cosmo Kramer and Elaine Benes were all currently in prison. Everything had been going so well for them. NBC had agreed to make Jerry and George's TV pilot, Jerry, a full series. They were all going to go to Paris for one last hurrah before parting ways. But thanks to a combination of Kramer's desperation for water, a car jacking and a trial which made absolutely no sense, they were all in prison.

At present, they had only been in prison for a few days and they were already bored. So Jerry decided to perform a stand-up routine to try and alleviate the boredom, and was failing miserably. All the male prisoners were watching, including George and Kramer. Elaine wasn't present since she was in the female section of the prison.

"So what is the deal with the yard? I mean when I was a kid my mother wanted me to play in the yard. But of course she didn't have to worry about my next door neighbor Tommy sticking a shiv in my thigh. And what's with the lockdown? Why do we have to be locked in our cells? Are we that bad that we have to be sent to prison, in prison? You would think the weightlifting and the sodomy is enough. So, anyone from Cellblock D?

No-one except Kramer was laughing. Not even George, who was Jerry's best friend, wasn't laughing becasue of how painfully unfunny it was. A random prisoner responded to Jerry's question of Cellblock D. "I am".

Jerry responded casually. " I'll talk slower. I'm kidding - I love Cellblock D. My friend George is in Cellblock D" George simply smiled as Jerry continued as he asked another random prisoner " What are you in for,sir?"

The prisoner responded casually "Murder one." He casually replied.

Jerry, once again, responded casually "Murder one? Oooooo, watch out everybody. Better be nice to you. I'm only kidding sir - lighten up." He joked naturally before asking another random prisoner "How about you, what are you in for?"

The prisoner recognized Jerry by his voice. He was the man whose car he had stolen about 6 and a half years earlier, he was: the car thief. So responded slightly angrily " Grand theft auto".

Jerry failed to recognized the car thief's voice, so he treated him the same way he did all the other inmates. "Grand theft auto - don't steal any of my jokes."

The car thief got mad becasue Jerry failed to recognized his voice, and decided to start making threats. "You suck - I'm gonna cut you".

Jerry, who had somehow not picked up on the threat, decided to respond with a bold statement. "Hey, I don't come down to where you work, and knock the license plate out of your hand".

Fortunately for Jerry, and unfortunately for the car thief, a guard recognized what was about to happen so he decided to get Jerry to safely. "Alright, Seinfeld, that's it. Let's go. Come on".

As he led Seinfeld into solitary confinement for no real reason, Jerry shouted behind him "Alright, hey, you've been great! See you in the cafeteria!"

* * *

Newman woke up in the middle of the night, and he realized that the entire thing, was a dream. He cursed that it was a dream before going back to sleep, not caring what Jerry was actually doing.

* * *

Jerry was currently performing a new stand-up routine he had thought of recently and the audience was loving it.

"It‚s always depressing when a once great TV show is on well past its prime. Take "Happy Days for example. Do you realize that when the show ended, Fonzie was on Medicare? He went from saying "Ayyyyyyyyyyyy! to "Ayyyyyyyyyyyyy, my back! You know how he would hit the jukebox, you know, to get it to play? Well they had to end the show because he broke his hip doing that. "Cheers is another show that was on a long, long time. By the time they were wrapping that up, Norm‚s liver was roughly the size of an ottoman. Not to mention the stool rash. Why don‚t these people know when to call it quits? Just once I‚d like to see a show go out on top".

The audience loved it.

* * *

 **Author's note: Hey guys, I decided to do a fanfic I have wanted to do for a very long time, a better version of the Seinfeld finale, as I have never liked it. It is poorly plotted, it's boring, it make's no sense and it is one of the worst TV finales of all time. So I have started by showing that the finale is a dream that Newman, as it is the only way to me that it could make sense. Be prepared for a more satisfying ending.**


	2. The feeling

That morning, Jerry woke up and had a shower. Afterwards, he was going to do what he and his group of friends did almost every morning, meet up at Monk's café (which had its sign say Tom's restaurant, for some reason), have breakfast and moan about anything until they had something else better to do.

But this morning was different. Jerry wasn't sure why at first, but as he was taking his shower, he realized what it was. He decided to talk to George about it when he met him later.

Jerry finished his shower and got dressed. He was surprised and relieved that Kramer hadn't burst into his apartment like usual this morning, like he usually did. Jerry didn't really care though, as long as Kramer was still in his apartment. He remembered what happened last time he tried to stop Kramer coming into his apartment, it led to a whole California fiasco. While Jerry was still confused as to why Kramer returned to New York after opting to remain in California, but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that Kramer was living across from Jerry once again.

But Jerry had more important matters on his mind. So he threw his coat on and left the apartment, and went off to Monk's to meet George.

* * *

After meeting with George and getting breakfast, Jerry and George sat down and started talking. Eventually, George ended up talking about croutons because he was eating them, which put him in a surprisingly happy mood.

"I love croutons. I could eat my weight in croutons." George announced happily as he ate more croutons.

"Yeah croutons, you've got to love croutons." Jerry said uninterested.

George noticed Jerry's disinterested tone, but he wanted to finish eating before pointing it out, so he continued talking and eating. "I wish you could order croutons as a meal, or at least an appetizer." He said, eating the last crouton.

"Yeah, At least an appetizer." Jerry replied, sounding very bored.

"What‚s wrong with you today, you seem so disinterested and bored." George pointed out, slightly concerned for his best friend.

"Look at us! We‚re talking about croutons!" Jerry said in the loudest, but at the same time, not loud voice.

"Well, what do you want to talk about?" Asked George, failing to realize what was wrong.

"All we ever do is talk. I don‚t think there‚s anything left to talk about. I mean look at this pathetic little world of ours. We get up, you come over to my place, we come here, we eat crappy food, and drinks with rubber bands in them, and yap about nothing. Frankly, I‚m getting tired of it. There‚s got to be something more to life than this." Jerry replied, finally feeling relieved he got that feeling off his chest. He had had the feeling for a very long time.

However, this reminded George of something, something that had caused him to have a slight grudge against Jerry ever since, and realizing this was the perfect time to bring it up, George said "Hey bucko!" he said before taking a deep breath and continued. "Need I remind you that we‚ve been down this road before. We were going to mature. We were going to grow up, become men, get engaged. We shook hands, WE HAD A PACT! And you reneged." He said with slight bitterness.

Jerry merely retorted with. "I did not renege. I got engaged to what‚s her face. The female me." (F.Y.I her name was Jeannie).

George however, was unimpressed. "You were engaged for a cup of coffee for God‚s sake."

"Yeah, well you didn‚t exactly make it to the altar either." Jerry pointed out.

George protested. "Susan died from licking toxic envelopes! I can‚t be held responsible!"

"Yeah, I‚m sure you had nothing to do with it." Jerry replied in a very accusing tone.

"Are you implying that I killed Susan?" George asked in an ever so slightly shocked tone.

Jerry just ignored George's stupidity and retorted with. "No, that‚s not what I said."

George decided it was a perfect time he had invented a long time ago "Well you said it in a very accusational manner."

Jerry quickly realized what word George just used and pointed out "Accusational is not a word.

"Sure it is." George responded, failing to realize that there was something wrong with just making up words.

"No it‚s not." Jerry said, pointing out the obvious.

"It‚s a perfectly cromulent word." George protested.

Jerry shook his head in disbelief before pointing out ""Cromulent isn‚t a word, either."

"Care to make it interesting?" George asked.

Jerry realized where this was going and decided to end it as soon as possible. "No, no I don‚t. Let‚s just drop it!"

George however, was confused "Why are you so agitated? Did you take a shower today?"

Jerry was heavily relieved that he can finally talk to George about what he had felt in the shower "Yeah I took a shower and I got this feeling."

"Feeling? You have a feeling?" George asked.

Jerry tried his best to explain the feeling "It‚s difficult to explain. I just get a sense like this chapter of our lives is about to end, and another one is going to begin."

"That‚s a little ominous, don‚t you think?" George asked, slightly nervous.

"Is it?" Jerry asked.

"I‚m scared now. WATER! I need WATER!" George shouted.

By some miracle, everybody but Jerry ignored him and Jerry did his best to reassure George. "It doesn‚t have to end badly."

"Yes, yes it does! If there‚s one thing that I‚ve learned, it‚s that EVERYTHING ends badly!" Cried George, who's outright panicking at this point.

"Well, perhaps things just end badly because you think they‚re going end badly."

George calmed down before saying "I don‚t follow."

"If we‚re determined to end it well, maybe we can pull it off." Jerry said hopefully.

George thought of the perfect response "So how the hell are you going to end this chapter well?"

Jerry thought about the question for a bit before answering "I don‚t know. Maybe I‚ll get engaged again."

George couldn't believe his ears "Yeah? To who?"

Jerry knew the perfect response to wind up George "I don‚t know. Elaine."

George was very happy upon hearing that "That‚s great! All these years, I‚ve always wanted to see you two get back together. You‚re perfect for each other. You‚re soul mates. You‚re like Superman and Lois Lane!"

Jerry laughed slightly before responding back. "Jeez, Georgie, I was kidding."

George decided he had waited long enough for Jerry and Elaine to get back together, so he responded with one of his smartest responses ever "Yeah well, you should. I mean think about it. You think you‚re going to have a better relationship with another woman than the one you have with her? You‚re not friends with any of your other ex-girlfriends. You date a different girl every week, but Elaine‚s always been there. For the last nine years, you‚ve been looking for the perfect relationship, and what do you have to show for it? Face it, Elaine is it!

Being a natural-born comedian. Jerry only saw the humor in that response "She seems like an it."

George saw the humor in Jerry's statement, so he merely responded with "She's at it as you get. Imagine bumping into her on the street in five years with a husband. And she tells us he's a sculptor, they live in Vermont... We'd have to kill him."

Jerry realized something. "Haven‚t we had this conversation before?"

George just went along with it since he wanted to get this part of the conversation over with as fast as possible before going back to trying to convince Jerry to marry Elaine. "You think?"

"I think we have."

"Yeah, maybe we have. Anyway, I think you two should get married." George said with some level of determination.

Jerry shook his head "I'm telling you, I don't see it happening. Besides, she‚s with Puddy, again." He said with some jealousy and hatred in his voice.

"Is she? I thought they broke up?" George asked with confusion.

"Oh, who the hell knows?" Jerry had given up on trying to count how many time Elaine and Puddy had broken up and gotten together again. They might as well be a broken record at this point.

"Well, tell you what. If you don‚t propose to her, I‚m going to!" George said with faked braveness in his voice.

"Yeah, okay, and I‚ll propose to Kramer." Jerry responded sarcastically.

"I‚m serious. I could see the two of us married." George said with some obvious lies.

"And what, are you going to do? make a spin-off out of it?" Jerry responded.

"A spin-off? Of what?" George asked, confused.

"Of our current series of events." Jerry responded.

"What an odd thing to say." George responded, this whole conversation was starting to go a bit meta. They both sat in silence for a moment before Jerry thought of the perfect way to end the conversation. "You ready to go?"

"Year." George respond before realizing he had to tell Jerry something. "Kenny Bania‚s new show debuts tonight on NBC. Are you going to watch it?"

"I can‚t believe they gave that clown his own show. And in such a cushy time slot." Jerry replied with obvious dislike in his voice.

"Well I‚m looking forward to it." George replied as he and Jerry got up and headed for the exit. Then Jerry asked "Hey, do you really think you have the guts to ask Elaine to marry you?"

"I wish" George replied as he and Jerry exited Monk's before heading back to Jerry's apartment.


	3. Proposals and stuff

After Jerry and George had arrived back at Jerry's apartment, they continued talking about the feeling.

"Why do you say you have this feeling? I mean it might just be something you ate." George asked.

"Forget it, I‚m sorry I mentioned it." Jerry begged, desperate to drop the subject.

George saw his friends desire to drop the subject. So he did and changed the subject. "What do you think she would say?"

Jerry was pretty sure he knew who George was talking about "Who? Elaine?"

"Yeah" George stated, saying it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I think she would fear for her life. Why put her through that?" Jerry asked, slightly disgusted. He didn't know what it was, but whenever he thought of Elaine with other men, it made his skin crawl with jealousy.

But before he could get lost in his thoughts, the buzzer rang. Jerry answered it.

"It‚s me" a familiar female voice spoke.

'Speak of the devil' Jerry thought. "Come on up" He said as he spoke into the buzzer before walking back to George. "Well, here's your shot."

"You know, I just said that to try and motivate you to ask her." George responded, being honest for once.

"Yeah well, that‚s like bluffing with a six high." Jerry responded, not believing George.

"Just trying to be a good friend." George responded, trying to defend myself.

And once again, Jerry didn't believe him "Why would you start now?"

And before George could defend himself again, Elaine entered the apartment.

"Hey" She said.

"Hi" Jerry responded.

George realized he had to get out of there, so he quickly said "Well, I better get going. I want to get home in time to catch the debut of Baniia So..." he trailed off, getting his coat on.

'Oh no you don't' thought Jerry, 'your not getting out of this one so easily!' "Wait a second, George, don‚t you have a question to pop?"

Elaine, who had no idea what the 2 men had been talking about prior to her entering the apartment, understandably asked " What do you mean?"

Before George could respond, Jerry clarified the question "Don‚t you have something to ask Elaine?"

Fortunately for George, he had been given enough time to think of a different response, which he used. "Uh, yeah. Uh, how are things with Puddy?"

Elaine responded with a very annoyed tone in her voice. "Ugh. It‚s over. For good this time."

George realized this was his chance to escape. So he quickly said "Hey that‚s great. Well, onward, and upward." And before Jerry could stop him, George had dashed out of the apartment.

Jerry and Elaine didn't bother commenting on what just happend before he asked "So, what was the deal breaker this time?

"He ate nothing but French onion dip for a week." Elaine explained. She didn't need to elaborate further, Jerry knew how much she hated French onion dip.

Suddenly, Kramer burst into the apartment in with his trademark entrance, wearing a tuxedo.

"Hey buddy!" Kramer said to Jerry before turning to Elaine. "Hello, my love."

"Hey Kramer, what‚s up with the tux?" Elaine asked, ignoring his previous comment.

"Ah darling" Kramer responded in his sexist voice possible, "don‚t you remember our arrangement?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Elaine asked, confused.

" We made a pact that if neither of us were married in four years, the two of us would get married. Well here we are, four years later, both ‚s get hitched!" Kramer explained, excitement filled his voice.

Elaine remembered what Kramer was talking about and quickly shouted back at him, angrily. " It was fifty years you jackass. FIFTY! Not four."

"I‚m really hurt that you‚re trying to back out of this. We had a verbal contract. If we can't take each other at our word, all is lost!" Kramer said over-dramatically.

'Oh no you don't!' thought Elaine. "I‚m not backing out, the deal was fifty years!" She screamed back at Kramer.

Kramer was getting desperate, when he thought of a great solution. "Hey, Jerry. Were you here when we made the deal?"

Jerry thought for a bit before answering "Yeah, it‚s my apartment."

"Was it four years or fifty years?" Kramer asked, hoping Jerry said four years.

"Oh, I don‚t remember. Fifty-four maybe? Why don‚t you split the difference?" Jerry said with honesty.

Elaine saw this was going nowhere so she decided to end it right then and there. "Face it, Kramer. We‚re not getting married."

Kramer was incredibly upset "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!" He cried out before running out of the apartment.

"That‚s a shame. I think it would be interesting if you two got married." Jerry commented.

"Oh yeah?" Elaine asked, amused.

"Yeah it would make a funny spin-off." Jerry thought out-loud by accident.

"Spin-off? Of what" Elaine asked, intrigued.

Jerry didn't want to have this conversation again so he quickly ended it "Never mind."

Elaine felt slightly dissapointed, but ignored it and continued talking about what just happend with Kramer. "Maybe I should just get married."

Jerry reflected his, George's, Kramer's and Elaine's dating history and said "Dating is really starting to get embarrassing isn't it?"

Elaine realized what Jerry was saying was right "I know. You know, whenever I'm on a date I feel people can tell."

"People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public." Jerry stated.

"You can say that again." Elaine responded.

Jerry then realized something "Haven‚t we had this conversation before?"

"You think?

"I think we have." Jerry said with certainty.

"Yeah, maybe we have." Elaine responded, realizing Jerry might be right.

Suddenly, Kramer entered the apartment. He didn't say a word as he grabbed a jar of pickles from Jerry's fridge before leaving the apartment again, avoiding Elaine in the process.

After Kramer left, Jerry sighed and said "Maybe you should marry Kramer. I mean, he‚s willing to marry you, you‚re not getting any younger and you pick fights with all your boyfriends."

Elaine was starting to get frustrated "Enough! I do want to get married soon. I‚m getting out. I can‚t keep this up much longer. But, I don‚t wanna marry some hipster doofus."

Jerry thought he might as well be honest "I think I‚d like to give marriage another shot."

Elaine couldn't help but burst out laughing before she realized Jerry was being serious (or as serious as he could be) and said "You‚re the most shallow man on the planet." She said insultingly before continuing "You think you‚re going to make some woman feel special?"

Jerry simply grinned before continuing. "Yes! Yes I do. It‚s really a matter of who." 'And I think I know who it is' he thought, but didn't say it out-loud. As the person is question, was standing right in front of him.

"Well, You always find yourself finding your way back to your one true love," Elaine explained, telling Jerry what her parents had told her when she was just a teenager and started dating. It's why she had stuck around Jerry and his group of friends for all these years, it was becasue she loved Jerry, completely unaware that he felt the same way.

"But who is it?" Jerry asked frustrated, unaware that Elaine felt the same way about him the same way he felt about her.

Elaine thought about it for a bit before saying "You figure it out. Maybe it‚s George"

Jerry realized what was happening again so he quickly answered "We‚re not gay!" he stressed, before quickly adding "Not that there‚s anything wrong with that!"

"No, not at all." Elaine said, agreeing with Jerry before changing the subject and asking "So what are you doing tonight? Do you want to go see a movie?"

Jerry wanted to watch Bania and see how bad it was, so he decided to talk his way out of going to the movies with Elaine. "Nah - what for?!

Elaine stared at Jerry like he was even more stupid than George "To see a movie."

"Not this movie." Elaine said, charmingly.

Unfortunately for her, Jerry was immune to her charms " They're all the same. You go, you sit, you eat popcorn, you watch. I'm sick of it."

Elaine finally realized there was something wrong with Jerry "What‚s with you today?

"I don't know" Jerry admitted " Do you ever get the feeling that change is eminent?"

Elaine decided to make a subtle fart joke "It usually winds up being gas."

"Year" Jerry agreed, not wanting to talk about the subject any more

Elaine then turned her attention back to more pressing matters "So are we on for the movies tonight?"

"Nah, I think I‚ll just stay home and watch TV." Jerry said, semi-honestly.

'Oh well, your loss' Elaine thought. "Alright, see ya." she said and she started to leave the apartment.

"Bye." Jerry replied as she left the apartment. As soon as the door had closed, Jerry turned on the TV and turned to Bania. The show started with Bania giving a monologue with a bass rift in the background.

"So what‚s the deal with risk management?" Bania began.

Jerry screamed out loud over how unwatchable it was and changed the channel to a news show, where an interview was happening.

"Russel Dalrymple, you‚ve just climbed Mt. Everest for the second time. What are you going to do now?" the interview asked.

"I‚m going to find Elaine Benes!""Russel said excitingly.

But Jerry recognized him instantly "That‚s the guy that screwed up my pilot!"


	4. More unexpected stuff

Jerry decided that going to the movies was preferable to watching TV, so he quickly caught up with Elaine. He decided not to tell her about Russel, so it would be a surprise if he actually found her. Jerry and Elaine went to the movies, but the movie they ended up watching was horrible. So they decided to go to the video store and see if there were any movies there that were worth watching. While there, Jerry decided to talk about the subject that they were talking about earlier.

"You know, maybe the one you‚re looking for has been right in front of you this whole time. You just haven‚t realized it." Jerry said, hoping Elaine would realize it was him.

"Yeah, maybe you‚re right!" Elaine said excited.

Jerry was shocked "I am!?"

"Yeah, maybe it‚s Puddy!" Elaine realized, refusing to believe Jerry was talking about himself.

Jerry was slightly miffed that Elaine misunderstood what he had said, but instead decided to change topics abruptly "Elaine, I can‚t believe I‚m saying this, 9 from Outer Space is out on video!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a mental institution:

"Well, Mr. Divola, after years of treatment, we have determined that you're no longer a threat to yourself or others." Explained the Doctor, who was letting "Crazy" Joe Davola go free and giving him a certificate which said Joe was sane. "You're free to go."

"First mission!" Joe said to himself "Find Elaine!" he said before leaving.

"Don't forget your clown suit!" the Doctor called after Joe, but it was to late as Joe had already left.

* * *

Meanwhile, on a rattlesnake speedway in The Utah Desert, Ricky(the guy from The Subway who likes the TV guide, and designed the mannequin that looked like Elaine), is carving something into an enormous rock.

After a while, Ricky finished so he walked back a distance and saw what he had carved into the rock: a giant image of Elaine.

"My masterpiece is complete!" Ricky said, proud of himself. "I call it Elaine! Now, to find her!" he said as he got into his car and started his long journey back to New York.


	5. Moving on

After watching Plan 9 from outer space with Elaine and after she went home, and after getting a good nights sleep, was currently watching TV. Suddenly he heard Kramer talking in the hall.

"Oh, buddy, I‚m going to miss you!" Jerry heard Kramer cry out.

Jerry tried to ignore it, but it was too loud for him to concentrate on watching TV. So he turned off the TV and opened the door before entering the hall.

"What‚s going on out here?" Jerry asked, and then he saw Newman, so he did his usual introduction to Newman. "Oh. Hello, Newman."

"Hello, Jerry." Newman replied with his usual response.

"Newman‚s getting transferred!" Kramer explained loudly.

"HE IS! THAT‚S FANTASTIC!" Jerry said, happier then he had ever been before, before asking "WHERE TO?!"

"Hawaii" Newman explained. "The most sought-after postal route of them all. The air is so dewy-sweet you don't even have to like the stamps. The guy who got the transfer over me last time met an unfortunate fate." Newman then laughed evilly with a diabolical laugh that was on loan from a corner shop in New York.

Jerry and Kramer just decided to ignore that last part.

Jerry then realized something. "HAWAII! THAT‚S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD! I‚M NEVER GOING TO SEE YOU AGAIN!"

Kramer however, was not as happy. "This is depressing. Who‚s going to assist me in my moneymaking ventures?"

"Alas Kramer, parting is such sweet sorry. I must begin to pack, for my route starts Monday. One last thing." Newman said before turning to Jerry "Seinfeld, I always considered you a worthy adversary."

Jerry however, was too happy to pay attention. "Newman..I am so glad you‚re leaving!"

"Goodbye Jerry." Newman said happily.

"Goodbye Newman." Jerry said, even more happy.

* * *

Meanwhile, Elaine went off to see Puddy to see if what Jerry said was right. She arrived at Puddy's and knocked on the door. Puddy opened the door, in his pajamas.

"Hi!" Elaine said, enthusiastically.

"Oh it's you" Puddy said, not surprised. "I'm over you"

And before Elaine could reply, Puddy's new girlfriend showed up. Elaine was shocked at who it was "Man hands?"

"Elaine, nice to meet you again." Man hands said (yes I know her name is Gillian, but Man Hands is more memorable), shaking Elaine's hand.

Elaine quickly retracted her hand "OW!" she cursed as she retreated, while Puddy and Man hands high-fifed each other.

* * *

Slightly frustrated, Elaine rushed to Monk's, where she met George and Jerry and proceeded to tell them everything that had happened.

"So who should be there, but man hands herself. My hand still hurts." she commented, shaking her hand in pain.

"That's a shame" commented Jerry, before asking "Did I tell you what happened to Newman?"

"No" Elaine replied, before asking curiously "What?"

"He did something horrible to the guy that got the transfer he wanted over him last time, so now he got the route!" Jerry explained, he looked the most happy he had been in a very long time.

"That‚s great!" Elaine responded, happy she would never had to see the world's worst postman ever again.

"I know! He‚s moving to Hawaii! I‚m still giddy over it." Jerry admitted.

George remembered what Jerry had said yesterday and said "Maybe, that‚s the chapter that‚s ending."

"Perhaps" Jerry responded "but I still sense something bigger is to come."

George realized this was an opportunity that he could not afford to waste "I got it! I‚m gonna go out there and achieve my dream, baby!" he said before running out of Monk's.

Elaine was not sure what to say, so she simply said "I think I‚ll get the big salad."

* * *

George ran off to an office, where he was currently being interviewed by someone called Art Vandelay.

"So you worked at Kruger Industries? And you were the assistant to the traveling secretary for the Yankees?" Vandelay said, fascinated.

"That‚s right, Mr. Vandelay." George said proudly, before adding "They won the World Series while I was there, by the way."

"And before that you were in real estate. You also worked as a hand model, an editor for Pendant Publishing, and you were a marine biologist?!" Vandelay said in almost disbelief.

"Uh, that‚s right." George replied.

"Well, Mr. Costanza, you‚re more than qualified for the position. Welcome aboard. You are now officially an architect!" Vandelay said proudly, George beaming with pride over this accomplishment.


	6. Meetings

Later, after Elaine had gone to work. Jerry met up with Kramer and they were currently walking down the street, when Jerry decided to have his conversation with Kramer about life he had had with everyone else.

"So" Jerry began. "I was thinking, maybe there‚s something more to life than this."

Kramer then had the most anti-climatic response ever "Yeah, well, let me clue you in on something. There isn't."

Jerry was surprised at Kramer's reaction. "There isn't?"

"Absolutely not. I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry:? Marriage? Family?" Kramer asked Jerry like he was a madman.

Jerry was struggling to answer "Well..."

"They're prisons. Man made prisons. You're doing time. You get up in the morning. She's there. You go to sleep at night. She's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to use the bathroom. Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?" Kramer explained.

Jerry began to think that this conversation was familiar, but he decided to ignore that thought and continued the conversation "Really?"

"Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating."

"I can?" Jerry asked, slightly mortified.

"Oh, yeah. You know why? Because it's dinner time. And you know what you do at dinner?"

"What?" Jerry asked, only able to give off short answers becasue his thought about the conversation being familiar was becoming more and more believable.

Kramer didn't notice this and just continued talking. "You talk about your day. How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How about you? How was your day?"

Jerry's thoughts exploded into words "Haven't we had this conversation before?"

Kramer couldn't believe what Jerry was saying "You think?"

"I think we have." Jerry concluded.

"Yeah, maybe we have." Kramer concluded.

Jerry then recognized a man walking down a street "Hey, is that Joe Davola?!"

Kramer got scared quickly. "Where!?"

"He‚s coming right towards us!" Jerry pointed out like it was the most obvious answer ever.

"I'll meet you back at your apartment, I'm out of here!" Kramer panicky said before he ran off.

Joe walked up to Jerry, quite psychotically. "Hi, Jerry. Do you know where Elaine is?"

"Uh, no." Jerry answered, slightly nervous.

"Well you tell her I‚m looking for her." Joe said before leaving. Jerry quickly rushed back to his apartment to tell Kramer what happend.

"So he just asked where Elaine was?" Kramer asked in disbelief after Jerry finished telling him what happend.

"Year" Jerry replied casually.

The buzzer then rang and Elaine's voice crackled.

"It's me" she said.

"Come on up" Jerry replied before turning back to Kramer. "Wait until I tell her."

Kramer suddenly became nervous "Oh, I‚m not ready to face her again. It‚s too soon."

"Too soon?" Jerry asked slightly mockingly.

"She broke my heart, Jerry! I‚m not like you, I can‚t just pick up the pieces and move on. She hurt me in a deep and profound manner." Kramer proclaimed.

Then, Elaine entered the apartment. "Hey" she said to Jerry.

"Hello" Jerry replied casually.

Kramer saw that Jerry and Elaine were ignoring him and quickly left the apartment. Jerry then told Elaine everything that happend with Joe.

"Get out!" Elaine said when Jerry had finished, pushing him before asking "He said he was looking for me?"

Jerry quickly regained his posture. "Yes"

"Well what am I gonna do? What do you suppose he wants from me?" Elaine asked, intrigued.

"I don‚t know, maybe the same thing that NBC guy wants." Jerry admitted.

" Russell, what‚s his name?"

"Yeah, I saw him on the news. He just climbed Everest. Again. And now he‚s looking for you." Jerry explained.

"Wow. I‚m yet quite flattered." Elaine admitted.

"Who knows, maybe one of them is your soul mate." Jerry joked terribly, refusing to admit he would be lucky enough to be Elaine's soul mate.

* * *

Meanwhile, George was being giving the grand tour of his work place by Art Vandelay. When they reached George's new office, 3 suspiciously similar looking men were waiting.

"George, these are the architects you‚ll be working with."Vandelay explained.

"Hi, I'm Barry." one of the men explained "this is my brother Darren, and this is my other brother Darren." he explained, pointing to the other 2 men as he did so. George was starting to regret getting this job.


	7. More meetings

After their conversation about people wanting to find her, Elaine and Jerry went for a walk on the streets to see if they ran into anyone they knew, when Elaine spotted someone familiar.

"Isn‚t that Sue Ellen Mitchke?" Elaine asked, pointing to a women in front of the Grocery store.

"Who?" Jerry asked, completely forgetting who she was.

"The heiress to the Oh, Henry candy bar fortune? The braless wonder!" Elaine reminded him.

"Oh!" Jerry remembered who she was "Your lex luthor!"

At this point, Sue had spotted them. "Oh, hi, Elaine." she said, not bothering to acknowledge Jerry.

"Hi" Elaine responded before asking "what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I‚m just waiting for my husband." Sue responded casually. And before Elaine or Jerry could ask, the husband exited the grocery store and kissed Sue.

Elaine recognized him instantly "The Soup Nazi!"

"He‚s re-opening his soup place." Sue explained, "With my funding he‚s developed 12 new recipes."

"And I better not see you there. No soup for you!" The soup Nazi said to Elaine.

" Do you have any new bisques?" Jerry asked.

"And no soup for you either!" The Soup Nazi said to Jerry before walking off with Sue.

* * *

Meanwhile, George was visiting his parents and telling them about how he was going to be an architect.

"So I‚m going to be an architect!" George said excited.

"Oh baby-doll, this kid's going places, I told you." Frank, George's dad, said.

"Why would they hire you?" Estelle, George's mum, asked as she couldn't comprehend how her son, the self-proclaimed lord of the idiots, could become an architect.

"I don‚t know! But they did!" George replied, pride was evident in his voice.

"What will you be doing?" Estelle asked, just to make sure George was not telling lies.

"I‚ll be designing buildings!" George explained. 'At least he's not telling lies' Estelle thought.]

"Without the architecture, you have nothing. You're the ones that make the buildings look good!" Frank said, proud of his son.

"Since when do you know how to design buildings? I never saw you design anything." Estelle asked George.

"Ma?" George said.

"I don't know how you're going to design all those buildings. And where are you get all the ideas?" Estelle asked him.

"Would you leave him alone? You'll shatter his confidence!" Frank protested.

'My confidence is already shattered' George thought.

* * *

Jerry and Elaine continued to walk down the street to see if they could find anyone else they knew, when Elaine spotted Ricky.

"Oh my god! It‚s that guy from the subway?" Elaine asked Jerry.

"The naked guy?" Jerry asked, remembering a different subway experience than the one Elaine was talking about.

"No, the TV guide guy!" Elaine explained.

Before the 2 of them could say anything else, Ricky spotted them and came up to them.

"Elaine! You look scrumptious!" he said.

"Uh, hi." Elaine said, slightly nervous.

"I was looking for you. I came all the way from Utah, where I made a present for you." Ricky explained.

"Oh? Really?" Elaine asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, I have a picture of it." Ricky said pulling out the picture, Elaine looked at the picture, and saw her face carved into the rock.

"Yikes" she shirked.

"That‚s a nice job on the nose." Jerry commented.

Ricky finally noticed Jerry "Oh, is that your boyfriend?"

"Yes. Yes it is! This is my boyfriend, Jerry." Elaine said, a huge smile on her face.

"I‚m, the boyfriend." Jerry said, unsure if Elaine was serious or not.

"Well, we've got to go catch our flight to Paris." Elaine said quickly, and before anyone could object, Elaine led Jerry away.

"Well that was nice, reprising my award-winning role." Jerry said, after disappearing from Ricky, proud of himself.

"Can you believe he carved my face into that rock?!" Elaine asked in mild shock.

"This is fun, I wonder who else we‚re going to run in to." Jerry wondered out loud.

Jerry looked around for a bit and spotted Russel.

"There‚s the guy from NBC! I‚m going to let him hear it!" Jerry said, running towards Russel.

"Jerry, no!" Elaine cried out.

"Russel noticed this and called out to Elaine. "Elaine! I just got back from Tibet! I climbed Mt. Everest, again. I put a flag with your picture of it on top."

Elaine was having a hard time thinking of what to say. "Well, uh, that‚s very sweet and all, but, uh."

Fortunately for Elaine, Jerry caught up with Russel. "Screw up my deal at NBC, will you?!" Jerry shouted before punching Russel. "Why did you leave!? "Jerry was going to be huge!"


	8. Revelations

After running away from Russel before the police showed up, Elaine and Jerry were walking down the street, when Jerry noticed something.

"Holy Crap! It‚s Crazy Joe Davola!" Jerry cried out.

"Did he see us?! Let‚s go!" Elaine responded.

But before they could run away, Crazy Joe had seemingly teleported becasue he was face to face with Jerry and Elaine.

"Hey Jerry. Sorry the pilot didn‚t work out." Crazy Joe said to Jerry.

"Uh. Yeah." Jerry replied, shocked that Crazy Joe wasn't being crazy.

Crazy Joe turned to Elaine. "Elaine, is this the guy you left me for?" he asked.

"Well, uh, .." Elaine responded, not sure what to say.

"Well, I just want to say I‚m sorry, and wish you two good luck. Now if you don‚t mind, I have a bus to catch." Crazy Joe said to them both before he boarded a bus that had just arrived and left on it.

"Nice guy" Jerry commented before walking home with Elaine.

* * *

After he and Elaine had dinner at his apartment, and after Elaine had gone home, Jerry was getting ready to go to bed, when the phone rang. Jerry picked up the phone.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hello!" The voice on the phone said. "This is James Kimbrough, the new President here at NBC."

"Oh, hi" Jerry said, almost bored.

"Well, we‚re please to tell you that we‚re going to pick up your show. A thirteen episode commitment." James said.

Jerry was very happy. "Really?! That‚s great!"

"Yes, we believe "Bania has a lot of potential."

Jerry was confused. "This is Kenny Bania, right?"

Jerry realized that James had got the wrong number, so he hung up the phone in frustration and went to bed in a huff.

* * *

The morning, Jerry was having breakfast when Kramer burst into his apartment.

"Hey" Jerry said.

"Uh, hi" Kramer replied.

Jerry could see something was wrong. "What‚s wrong?"

"Jerry, I have to go. I got the call." Kramer explained.

"From your home planet?" Jerry joked.

"There‚s something I never told you. Along time ago, before I moved here, I was in the CIA." Kramer explained.

Jerry was shocked. "What was that?" he asked, just to double check he had heard Kramer properly.

"And I got out, you know. I just wanted to get away, to put that behind me. But I‚ve been running my past for too long. I got the call today, Jerry. Just when I think I‚m out, they pull me back in!" Kramer explained frantically.

* * *

After helping Kramer pack his essentials and a promise to look after his apartment while he was away, Jerry and Kramer stood on the apartment roof, where a helicopter would pick up Kramer.

"Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I'll say it. Maybe you're right, maybe we will see each other again, but just in case we don't, I want you to know how much you've meant to me. I'll never be able to shake you; whenever I hear a humorous observation or see a cheesy mullet, I'll think of you." Kramer said, reminiscently.

"Whenever I see somebody shave with butter, I'll think of you." Jerry replied.

"Or the next time somebody shaves his chest" Kramer replied.

"or when somebody burns down a cabin, or sets up a talk-show set inside his apartment."

"I'll miss you." Kramer said, finally.

"I'll miss you-a lot. I can't imagine what this place would've been like if I hadn't found you here!" Jerry admitted.

The helicopter then arrived. Kramer boarded and it flew off. Jerry watched it fly off for a few minutes before walking back into his apartment.

* * *

Meanwhile, George was in his office when Vandelay came in.

"Oh, George, could you mail these invitations for me? We‚re having a party to open the newest building we designed." he explained.

George felt uneasy. "Uh, I don‚t know. I have a bad history with invitations."

"Come on, just drop them off in the mailbox." Vandelay insisted.

George gave in. "Well, OK" he said as he picked up the invitations and left the office. Later, he arrived at the postbox.

"Alright, just keep cool. Nothing can go wrong. Just put them in the box." George said to himself.

Unfortunately, at that very moment. a truck carrying golf balls crashed into a lamp post. One of the golf balls flew out of the truck and hit George on the head, knocking him unconscious before he could post the invitations.


	9. proposal

A few days later, at Jerry's apartment. Elaine and Jerry were sitting down and watching TV. Jerry had been bored the last few days, since Kramer was gone and George was in hospital. This meant that he and Elaine had been hanging out with each other more and more, and Jerry realized that he had feelings for Elaine he just wasn't sure how to tell her though. Little did he know, but the opportunity would soon arise very soon. At the moment, Elaine was busy bitching about her love life.

"I telling you, I don‚t know if its ever going happen for me." Elaine concluded her rant with.

"Well, you always come back to your one true love." Jerry suggested.

"That‚s what I told you. But who the hell is it?! Elaine asked in frustration.

Jerry had finally got the courage to propose to Elaine, for real this time, but slowly. "Maybe, he‚s been right in front of you the whole time."

"It‚s not Puddy!" Elaine responded.

"I've been thinking about what it means to be complete." Jerry said, thinking out-loud.

"Do you have an apple or anything?" asked Elaine, suddenly feeling hungry.

"Look at us, hurtling through space on this big, blue marble." Jerry continued.

"Or a nectarine? I would absolutely love a nectarine." Elaine asked, realizing she was in the mood for fruit.

"Looking everywhere for some kind of meaning..." Jerry continued.

"Why am I in such a fruit mood!?" Elaine asked in frustration, frustrated becasue of the lack of fruit in Jerry's apartment.

"When all the while, the real secret to happiness has been right in front of us!" Jerry concluded.

Elaine realized something. "Haven‚t we had this conversation before?"

"You think?" Jerry asked.

"I think we have." Elaine concluded.

"Yeah, maybe we have." Jerry concluded.

"So, what‚s your point?" Elaine asked, seeing that Jerry was going somewhere with thinking out-loud.

Jerry finally got enough courage to ask Elaine the big question. "What if we got married?"

Elaine was shocked and surprised. "Married? Us? GET OUT!" She screamed out as she pushed Jerry back on the sofa.

Jerry quickly sat back up. "Come on, come on. Now, look, we both find each other attractive, right?" he asked.

Elaine had always thought Jerry was sexy. "Yeah." She answered cautiously.

"Clearly, no one else can stand to be with either one of us." Jerry stated.

"I suppose." Elaine thought out-loud.

Jerry was starting to become desperate. "Come on, we‚ll have a wedding, there‚ll be a lot of people to mock."

Elaine was starting to find Jerry irresistible. "Well."

Jerry lost his patience. "Will you marry me?"

Elaine always knew what the answer to that question was, "Alright, Jerry, what the hell?" she decided and kissed Jerry. They kissed for a while before they both pulled away to catch their breathes. "Are you going to get me a nice ring?" she asked.

"Maybe I will, Laney, maybe I will." Jerry replied, winking at her.

* * *

Meanwhile, at JFK airport. Babu Bhatt was travailing through passport control.

"I‚m going to get my revenge, Jerry! You are very bad!" Babu promised to himself.

Unfortunately for him, a security guard stopped him. "I‚m sorry, your passport is invalid. We can‚t allow you to leave the terminal." He explained.

Babu was mortified. "So what do I do?" he asked.

"You have to stay here in the terminal. But who knows, maybe you can make a movie about it." The security guard joked, which got Babu thinking.


	10. The end

The next day, Jerry, Elaine and George were in Jerry's apartment, George had just been released in hospital, with a large bandage wrapped around his head. Currently, George was explaining what was with his job situation.

"Since I failed to post the invitations, the company fired me for failure to perform task!" George complained.

"Bad luck." Jerry commented.

George ignored the comment and continued complaining "And since I got fired before I got paid, and I don't have any money to pay the bills for this month, it means that I will have to move back in with my parents!"

Jerry and Elaine couldn't help but find this all amusing.

George then asked what Jerry, Elaine and Kramer had been doing when he was in hospital. Jerry told George everything (except the part about him and Elaine getting engaged, he wanted it to be a surprise) and ended with him telling George about Kramer leaving to go back to the CIA.

"So he just left? In a helicopter? Why didn‚t he say goodbye to me?!" George asked, slightly upset.

"He said he had to go immediately. It sounded urgent." Jerry explained.

"Well he could have at least called me! George is upset!" George complained.

And then, Kramer entered the apartment in his usual fashion, only George was surprised. Nothing Kramer did surprised Jerry or Elaine anymore.

"Hey" Kramer said as he went to Jerry's fridge.

George couldn't believe what he was seeing "Kramer, what are you doing here?"

"Getting something to eat." was Kramer's simple reply.

Elaine then had a great idea. "Hey you guys want to go get something at the coffee shop?"

Jerry, George and Kramer all agreed, so they got up to go. Jerry looked around the apartment for a bit. Elaine noticed this and asked "Jerry, aren‚t you coming?"

"Yeah, just a second." he responded. George, Kramer and Elaine exited the apartment. Jerry took a long look at the apartment before turning off the light and leaving.

* * *

Later, Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine were sitting at a booth in Monk's, when George decided to ask Kramer a question he wanted to know for quite a few minutes.

"Hey, Kramer, what happened on your CIA mission?" he asked.

Kramer struggled to answer. "Uh, there was , I can never go back." he explained, not wanting to go into the embarrassing details.

"That's a shame" Jerry remarked.

"Tell me about it, now I have to try and find a job. I tell ya, it‚s embarrassing to be out of work." Kramer moaned.

"You‚re telling me, I‚m gonna have to move back in with my parents. I can‚t believe it was invitations..AGAIN!" George complained.

"So, uh, what're you guys going to do today?" Kramer asked Jerry and Elaine.

Elaine couldn't help but have a smile on her face. "Oh, this and that."

"And the other." Jerry said.

Kramer realized the last time those words were said. "What? Are you a couple again?"

Jerry decided to play a prank. "Well."

Unfortunately for him, Elaine interrupted. "We‚re getting married!"

"Giddy up! Let‚s hear about it. How did you propose?" Kramer asked, quite happy.

"Well" Elaine began, but Jerry cut her off. "What‚s the big deal? We‚re not blazing any trails here. People get married all the time. Have you ever picked up a newspaper and the headline was "COUPLE GETS MARRIED." he asked.

"I can‚t believe it took you guys this long. You‚re perfect for each other. I mean how could you be so stupid? It‚s been staring you in the face this whole time." George commented.

Elaine didn't take kindly to people saying bad stuff about her romantic life. "Why don‚t you just shut the hell up?"

George quickly shut up, while Jerry noticed some thing. "See now, to me, that button is in the worst possible spot."

"Really?" George asked.

"Oh yeah. The second button is the key button. It literally makes or breaks the shirt. Look at it, it's too high, it's in no-man's land." Jerry explained.

George realized something. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"

"You think?" Jerry asked.

"I think we have." George concluded.

"Yeah, maybe we have." Jerry concluded.

* * *

That night at the comedy club, Jerry was having a blast. "You know, why we're here? To be out, this is out...and out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People...did you ever hear people talking about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about...this whole thing, we're all out now, no one is home. Not one person here is home, we're all out! There are people trying' to find us, they don't know where we are. He imitated one of the people while pretending his hand is a phone. "Did you ring?, I can't find him." He then imitated other person on phone. "Where did he go?" He was then the first person again. "He didn't tell me where he was going". He must have gone out. You wanna go out: you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation...There you're staring around, what do you do? You go: "We got to be getting back". Once you're out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go. Alright, that's it for me. You've been great. Goodnight everybody." Jerry said, leaving the stage.

The end!


End file.
